X factor summary.

Word. Weekend was shockingly quiet. Very little to report really.

The X-factor started-here is my take on episode one.

Simon was remarkably nice to most people including 3 excessively bubbly sisters who didn't sing that well.

A crazy old lady who was accompanying her daughter in law (she sings in the church choir and looks like it too) stormed in and forced Simon to apologise for laughing during the womans audition. (old lady: about 195, auditionee: about 60)

A 16 year old boy in the Manchester auditions who sounded like a girl shook so much Sharon thought he was going to collapse, so told him to take a break and come back. He came back, sang again, bit better, but still sounded like a girl. Sharon was motherly so said yes, Louis probably fancied him so said yes, and Simon said no (too nervous, too fragile. That man is so on the ball). No doubt we'll see more of him. "Singing makes him happy."

A cocky young man with the looks to back up his cockiness sand Have You Met Miss Jones and sounded half decent. He is a full time carer for his mother (cue sentimental music), he got through, I'm sure we'll see him a lot.

A cooky band of singers who sound like a choral society from an American High School came in, good harmonies, Simon expected to hate them but liked them and put them through (told you he was being nice).

Paula Abdul was the surprise guest judge in London. Woo hoo. SHe was as crazy as ever but nothing interesting enough to note.