Wowza.

Believe it or not, thats a man. And not just any man, but Sienna Miller's boyfriend Jamie Burke pictured in NYC last night. That is just NOT a good look.

Oh for God's sake.

Apparently Paris is "distraught and traumatised" by her prison sentence.

According to people.com:

Paris Hilton's psychiatrist declared that the heiress is "distraught and traumatized" and "fears incarceration" after a judge sentenced her to 45 days in jail.

Dr. Charles Sophy gave those findings in a Los Angeles Superior Court document filed Monday in an ongoing $10 million slander and libel suit against Hilton by actress Zeta Graff.

Hilton is facing an order to testify in the civil trial beginning May 21, but the psychiatrist argues that "given (Hilton's) current psychological, and emotional state ... (she's) not capable of any meaningful participation in a trial."

Em. Shocker! Did she expect to be happy? What did she think would happen? When you break the law you pay the price byotch.

Free stuff. Not fair.

So, Lindsay is back from the Bahamas after her super long makeout session with Calum Best. Apparently he is "a nice guy". I really doubt if this is anything more than a friends with benefits scenario, but I don't really have a problem with it either way. The reason I'm even posting about it is that when she came back she visited the Lucky magazine suite where there was just arseloads of free stuff for her to skive off with. According to People.com she walked away with:

"...seven bags of swag, including shorts and hoodies from L.A.M.B., a straw hat from Milk Boutique, a pair of Cosabella pushup bras and, according to a source, about $8,000 worth of pieces from Lia Sophia's Rue Royal jewelry line.

She also snagged $2,000 worth of sunglasses from Luxottica, including red and white pairs of Wayfarers not yet available in stores. Said Lohan of her visit to the gift suite: "I cleaned it out. I got some really cool Ray-Bans, too."

So unfair. I really think its unjust that celebrities get so much free stuff when they could buy it all on their own. I could really do with 7 bags of swag! Although I would have said no to the Wayfarers as we all know how much I hate their asses. Free stuff for me please!

Poor America!

Eep. Those are some hella bad sweat patches. They make me grimace. I'm so glad there aren't any paparazzi around to photograph me or I would grimace all day every day.

Ah ha ha ha ha....

Another open letter! This time its even more fabulous.

There was a rumour going around that Patty Hearst was giving Paris Hilton advice about going into jail - a rumour Patty obviously wasn't very impressed with because she wrote this open letter to TMZ:

Dear TMZ,

Imagine my surprise upon learning of the "advice" I had been giving Paris Hilton. In spite of reports to the contrary, I can assure you that I have not had any contact with Paris (or any member of her family) regarding her upcoming jail time, or any other matter. Like Governor Schwarzenegger, I have had many more important things to think about.

However, since I'm thinking about it now, I must say that my heart goes out to the inmates of the Century Regional Detention Center. Forty-five days with Paris Hilton and the attendant publicity seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me. Perhaps THEY should be petitioning the Governor for relief?

OK, that wasn't nice. But seriously, if Paris really wants my advice it's this: Read Candy Spelling's letter several times and take her advice to heart.

--Patricia Hearst


Hee hee...that Paris really hasn't made herself any friends recently has she?

Lindsay Hearts Callum

Hmm...Britains Biggest Manwhore is back to spending time with Little Lindsay Lohan...interesting. Didn't he like, make out that she was desperate for his body before but he wasn't interested? Hmm...I'll have to do some historical research. Well, one way or the other, they are frolicking in the Bahamas flashing nipples here and nipples there like there is no tomorrow.



Hmm...Britains Biggest Manwhore is back to spending time with Little Lindsay Lohan...interesting. Didn't he like, make out that she was desperate for his body before but he wasn't interested? Hmm...I'll have to do some historical research. Well, one way or the other, they are frolicking in the Bahamas flashing nipples here and nipples there like there is no tomorrow. I have to say, I don't hate this couple. He is definitely hot and as long as he isn't using her to up his profile I'm cool with it.

Speaking of random couples in terms of batting out of your fame league, I missed that Nicole Scherzinger from the Pussycat Dolls is now with Talan from Laguna Beach!!! What the hell?? That kid had NO game on that show. Hmm. He must be doing something right now because that girl is hot hot hot! She is almost 29 though...isn't Talan a little young for her? Puzzling.

Open letters.

I find them amusing. What is it that makes someone think its a good idea to write an open letter to a celebrity through a celebrity gossip publication? Well, its something because now Candy Spellman has jumped on the bandwagon and written a letter to....drumroll...Paris Hilton!!! How amusing.

The letter to TMZ basically tells Paris that she is spoiled and obnoxious. Hm...maybe this Spellman woman has more sense than I'd previously assumed. (Although I will never be able to take anyone known as "Candy" seriously).

Read this celebrity gold!

Dear Paris,

As someone who has known you for most of your life, I pay special attention to your press coverage. (Apparently, I'm not alone, based on the responses every word about you creates on TMZ.com and elsewhere.)

Paris, I'm very worried about you. The last week has not only been an obvious roller-coaster for you emotionally, but your strategy went from blaming employees and stating silly excuses like, "I don't read," to your new lawyer's tactic to have you sound mature and take some responsibility. In between, the paparazzi continue to follow you shopping and taking self-defense classes (to protect yourself in jail?), and some over-zealous friends staged embarrassing protests (three people?), and wasted taxpayer funds with a petition to pardon you.

People who are rich and famous are not treated like "regular" people, even though you claim to now be just like everyone else. In most situations, your privileged life works to your benefit. You have opportunities, access and resources like few others; and frankly, you can get away with more bad behavior and excuses than most people could even imagine. However, as the real possibility of jail approaches -- whether it's 21 days or 45 or whatever the latest report is -- it's time to get real. It's time to find "a Paris" somewhere between "heiress" and a character on "The Simple Life." I know she's there, and I know she can be a good citizen and maturely face consequences other people would have to face under the same circumstances.

I am sorry you have been sentenced to jail. I can't think of too much that would be worse. But since you let this happen, use the next couple of weeks preparing not only by publicly learning to fight (not a good message to fellow inmates), but by looking around, realizing that you are not as truly entitled as your money implies. You are a young woman who can add more to her community than establishing new definitions for infamy.

Best,

Candy Spelling

I fell at the first hurdle...

Well. I know. I didn't post yesterday. To be honest it was a bit of a manic day in the Louise house as my little sister was making her First Holy Communion (which shall henceforth be known as FHC) and I can not tell you the untold amounts of stress this creates in an Irish household. First, theres the dress. Now this was relatively simple as it was the same dress my middle sister wore. There's the hair - which always falls to me. Then theres what to do for the day? Do you call everyone you've ever met so that they can all come over to your house and shower the child with cash (thats what its all about you know...)? Or do you just just whip the child off to McDonalds and tell them they're lucky to get anything at all, children in the third world etc. etc.? Well, in our case the aforementioned kitchen hell prevented us from having a shindig (a lucky escape as far as I'm concerned) so we went to a hotel. We went to a hotel 10 minutes from our house. In a hellhole. It was wonderful I assure you. We went bowling. We swam. We played charades. We walked for an hour in search of a half-decent restaurant and ended up at McDonalds. I was reaquainted with everything my brother used to do when we were small that meant we always killed each other. Oh it was a rockin' good time. Anywho - I'm back, so on with the showbiz!!

Best. Picture. Ever.

La la la la la la laaaaaaa!

Wow. I'm kind of feeling these posts where I just babble about myself. Hmmm...isn't that where blogs originated? Perhaps I should just ponder things like, why drinking water that you get out of any sink thats not in your kitchen is just wrong...like, why the water from the bathroom sink is ok for brushing your teeth but NEVER for drinking. Ew...dirty disgusting toilet water. It makes me shudder. However, we are getting a new kitchen which leaves me in quite the dilemma in that respect. After this weekend we will not have water in the kitchen for a couple of weeks. What to do?? Should I just suspend my disgust and get on with things, toilet water or no toilet water? Answers on a postcard please.

ANYWAY, to reel myself back in from that tangent! Last night was wonderful, and I can babble about it a little bit under the guise of the fact that I saw Liberty X perform last night in The George. And - they were brilliant! I have to say it was so much fun. I didn't realise they had so many good songs and the atmosphere in there was great. An excellent evening altogether. And by the way, Kevin from Liberty X is hot. Never saw it til he did the Games...but it is true. End of.

What. The hell.

Seriously. Come on.

Lovely lovely (hopefully loyal) readers....

Hello to any of you who are still left, and apologies. I know that things have been nonexistant at my end for some time now, and I truly apologise. However, to those of you who implied I was being LAZY(!!!) (and you know who you are), you were wrong!

Things have been hectic on my end. The new job I mentioned in an earlier post took up massive amounts of time, and for the first time in my life, I actually didn't know everything that was going on in celebland! I know...shocking. However, I am going to do my damndest to ensure that I post at least once a day from now on. Even if its just to let you know I'm alive! Hopefully, I will be able to get back to the previous quality but if not, please be patient. Unfortch this doesn't make me any cash, but my job does...so it takes priority. Soon, I may even be able to tell you what my new job is! Isn't that exciting??? (Feel free to ooh and ah at any time).

Since we last spoke...Britney performed, I fell in love with Calvin Harris and Acceptable in the 80s (and apparently Kylie did too), I contemplated going Nu Rave with my look, and I drunkenly and soberly fell in public at least 5 times. And to think, you missed it all! Anyway, leave me a comment to let me know if you've missed me...and if there are none...well...I'll be sad...but I'll understand. :(

Hooray!

Larry Birkhead is the father! I am so so happy for this guy, I believed him all along and now we know just what kind of snake Howard K. Stern is.

People.com reports:

According to DNA test results revealed Tuesday, Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's 7-month-old daughter Dannielynn.

"I hate to be the one who told you this, but: I told you so," Birkhead, 34, said during a press conference outside the Bahamas courthouse. "I'm the father."

"Thank you for your support. Thank you for the people who got me this far," he said, choking up. "Thank you very much. My baby's gonna be coming home pretty soon." Asked about when he would take Dannielynn home, he said, "Things are moving quickly here, and we'll see what happens."

Birkhead's attorney, Emrick Knowles, then told reporters, "We'll be back in court on Friday in the afternoon. We've got some other issues to deal with." He would not comment on specifics, but did say: "[The judge] hasn't made any ruling about custody yet."

Howard K. Stern, who was listed as the father on the baby's birth certificate, gave Birkhead a hug outside the courthouse. "We're gonna do what we can to make sure that the best interests of Dannielynn are carried out," said Stern. "And I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure that he gets sole custody."

Dumped!

Kirsten "floppy boobs head stuck up her hole cocaine face" Dunst has been dumped.

A source close to Borrell says, "Johnny and Kirsten had a very passionate romance -they were completely blown away by each other at first. They spent all their time together. Kirsten even made herself at home in Johnny's London pad. But now Johnny has realised she's not the one for him. He dumped her at the weekend. Kirsten really liked Johnny. The news will come as a real blow."

I know its unkind to take pleasure from other's misery but for some reason thats the vibe I'm on this morning. Hopefully my cheerier, more loving counterpart will make an appearance latah!

Maybe I should just turn this blog into a Kingston fansite?

He is seriously the cutest kid of all time. I don't know if I'll be able to love my own child with the affection I feel for him.

Honestly. I lost my breath there for a minute.

I haven't allowed myself to comment on these rumours. It just seemed too good to be true...but now it seems like it could actually be happening! Reese and Jake? I may have FINALLY found a couple to replace the vacancy left in my cold black heart by Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody. Ah...young love. AND this may mean we get to see more pictures of Jakey with babies! My uterus cries everytime I see a hot piece of ass with chizzlers. Love that shit.

Kill the cheerleader-save the world

I'm so over Hayden Panettiere. Now, its not too often that I rant about someone without reason...but on this occasion I just can't hold it in! That chirpy pint-sized blondy is really pissing me off. "Oh, I'm in a hit tv show! Here's my boyfy, he was in Laguna Beach! Look, I'm shopping with a Hollywood It Girl! Blah blah blah..."

Humph. Shes too big for her boots. And now we're going to have to deal with an album. AN ALBUM I TELL YOU!

Go away Hayden. I liked you better when I knew nothing about you.

*i am well aware that this is in no way rational.

Scary Baby

Mel B has had her bundle of joy, a baby girl who is apparently "healthy with a full head of hair". The baby has yet to be named, and is currently going by the moniker "Baby Brown"...wouldn't surprise me really if they just left it at that.

There are still paternity questions over this baby. Mel maintains it was fathered by her ex, Eddie Murphy but on Dutch TV he said "I don't know whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test." Nice.

America is sorry?

Well well well. Maybe Dancing with the Stars was the cleverest thing Heather Mills has ever done... This morning she was on Ryan Seacrest's radio show, and one caller brought her to tears...

Pat, the listener, said: "I'm ashamed that I had a judgment against her based on everything that you read in the newspapers, that she was after his money, and, come on – everyone was down on Heather Mills.

"But," Pat continued, "she has won me over, and I can admit it, that I had formed a bad opinion about her. I am embarrassed, actually. I would love to apologize to her. And America should apologize. People should apologize to her. She was wrongfully treated."

Hmm. I'm not so sure about that. But then I'm pretty shallow and hasty in my dislike of celebs.

The Apple of her eye

Apple is very very tiny and very very cute. I can not deny it.